When most people start into parenting, they have heard that teenagers are a pain in the ass to live with. They have some idea about the terrible twos. They know that babies poop a lot, and that potty training is hard, and that they may be looking at losing some sleep.
Knowing that batch of facts might make you maybe one percent prepared to be a parent. Basically, becoming a parent gives a person the potential to screw up worse than they have ever screwed up in their entire lives. People are doing it too, and they are doing it every day.
It could be said that it is a terrible thing for me to do, to make people wary of becoming parents by telling them that there is a possibility that they will screw their kids up for life, but I feel like it is my damn responsibility, as it is the responsibility of every good parent out there.
Screwed up people are committing horrible crimes, and corrupting our government, and raising more screwed up children. I have to teach my kids to look out for these sorts of dangerous individuals when they walk down the street, and I am confident that none of them grew up in situations where they were being well parented. Yep, they grew up with shitty parents.
I want only the fearless, the wise, and the very well informed to even consider becoming parents. I have no control of who decides to take on parenting, but I sure as hell do have a right to say who I think should.
Parenting is such a huge responsibility, and there is so much more to it than people are willing to admit. The idea that new parents are told that they will pick it up as they go, and that everything is going to be fine, and that being a parent is just a big hippie la-la love fest is asinine!
We are behaving as if there is a desperate need to grow the population, so desperate in fact, that we encourage any schmuck who doesn’t have their own shit together to take on the task of guiding other young human beings, when we are actually facing a very real problem of global overpopulation.
But you don’t want to miss out. If you decide not to have a baby you are making the biggest mistake of your life. You are going to grow old all alone, and completely unfulfilled. What are you selfish? Is that why you don’t want children? How could you possibly consider bringing someone else's child into your home to raise?
There are some choice fundamentals that people rarely ever learn in their later life if their own parents don’t teach them to them when they are young. Self-preservation, and self-love are big ones. People who have been denied those lessons by their parents spend their entire lives trying to learn them as adults.
The understanding of individual responsibility as well as responsibility for one’s community and one’s world are ridiculously difficult concepts to pick up later in life. The drives to question information, to take care of our own physical and mental health, and to be giving humans are not things that children are taught outside the home.
I wish that we could all work up the bravery to be more direct with young people when it comes to the conversation about having children. We don’t necessarily have to tell them that they have the potential to cultivate a bunch of serial killers by choosing to have kids, but we sure as shit shouldn’t be telling them that the task of parenting is not something that has to be taken very fucking seriously.
Why are we so afraid of freaking out potential parents? What is there to possibly be gained by doing so? If we keep encouraging poor candidates to take on parenthood, we are only contributing more poorly parented adults to the population of our communities, and unfortunately, the majority of them grow up to be complete assholes.
It all comes back to truth. I beg you to please be truthful. Don’t tell anyone that everything is okay because everything is obviously not fucking okay. Don’t tell anyone that everything is going to be okay, because the likelihood is that they won’t put in sufficient effort, and therefore everything will not be okay. That’s how we contribute to encouraging shitty parenting.