It seems like all that I really need to do lately is read the work of my fellow bloggers to come up with content for my own articles. I ignored a blog that was floating around yesterday because it disgusted me so completely that I am wrinkling my nose up right now as I think about it, but then, as I saw yet another friend of mine passing it around this morning, I decided that it is something worth addressing. Honestly though, I have to admit that the whole idea of it honestly gives me the creeps. The piece of work is about parenting and specifically addresses what it refers to as the parenting religion in our country, and how it is responsible for destroying the American marriage.
The piece went into pointing out how certain women in the past have stood up and announced that they love their spouses more than their kids and how this is the functional way to look at things, because our spouse remains with us, or should, for the entirety of our lives, whereas our children grow up and leave us. It mentioned how society allows no room for women to criticize their own children, which leads to them being catastrophically spoiled and growing into dysfunctional adults. The article even commits a paragraph to talking about how men are allowed to have sexual feelings when they are fathers, but women are looked down upon as mothers if they admit that they have their own sexual needs. What the fuck? Where did this shit come from? If any of this garbage had any basis in fact, then I should have probably been stoned to death by the other local moms in the center of town by now.
So, the first point that I will address here is the fact that in my humble opinion, it is not fucking okay to love anybody in my immediate family better than anyone else: PERIOD! I am constantly blown away by the fact that I supposedly live in a predominately Christian nation, and yet I rarely see people upholding any sort of Christian behavior, which this notion is a CLEAR example of. Did this woman not read the Prince Of Tides? Is she completely unaware that the number one, never fail way to completely fuck up your children, is to show favoritism? I would personally feel guilty if I ever even felt that I loved my immediate family more than my own mother or father. Maybe this is an opinion that was strengthened by my intense yearning for even one sibling as a child, but family, ALL FAMILY, is deeply sacred to me, and it is simply goddamn wrong to be picking out people that we love more, anytime, ever!
I think that the second point that stood out to me in the article is the one that bothered me the most: the idea that society looks down on us if we recognize our own children’s faults. She also goes as far as to say that we pick our spouse, but kids are the luck of the draw, and we really have no control whether we end up with kids who are assholes or not. Again, what the fuck? So first she says that society ties her hands in regards to disciplining her children, and then she points out that kids can turn into terrible people. It sounds to me like she is passing on the blame for her own shitty parenting to the kids that she managed to screw up. I could absolutely be wrong here, but I parent the shit out of my own kids, and I have never gotten any sort of feedback about it that is negative. Every single one of my friends has pointed out their admiration for the discipline that I wield when it comes to my kids, and I am the bad cop in our family, not my husband. Additionally, anyone who is looking for the faults in their kids isn’t parenting correctly to begin with. I look for my children’s strengths and I encourage them. I am aware of my children’s weaknesses as well, and I seek out creative ways to work around those, rather than chastising my children for having shitty personalities. Good grief!
Lastly, I am a goddamned romance novelist. My own relatives, embarrassingly enough, have read my work. Nobody so far, has jumped up and down and called me a whore and told me to get my ass away from the computer and back in the kitchen, because I am being a bad mother. Where in the hell did this woman come from, nineteen sixty-two? I counsel my friends on their own sex lives. When I get together with girlfriends, we talk about sex all of the time, and I haven’t once noticed anyone being uncomfortable with us actually having sex lives, just because we are moms. The very idea is just fucking ridiculous!
If you are a woman and any of these ideas are ones that you relate to, than I strongly recommend that you start looking around for some better quality friends. Do not put up with any person who tells you that you are being too strict with your own kids, or that you are a slut because you want to have sex with your husband! If people are doing that, then they are absolute overbearing idiots! If you are having trouble liking your own children, then you need to take action yesterday, and change the people that they are being exposed to on a daily basis. In my beliefs and experiences as a mom and a foster mom, I lean way towards the nurture side and away from the nature side when it comes to raising kids. For anyone to label their own child as a bad apple, or a plain shitty person, and not make every effort possible to help coax a greater person out of them, well that just makes them a plain crappy parent. I know kids who have grown up out of control. I have seen parents go to unbelievable lengths to try and help prevent their kids from screwing up their lives, and when they have failed, it has always been because both parents weren’t working together, or because an ex was a horrible influence who didn’t care that they were screwing up their own child. Yes, parenting is the most important damn job that those of us who choose to take it on will ever have. I don’t believe that anyone who questions their parenting ability should ever take on the task, because it usually ends badly, as it sounds like it did in this woman’s case. Jeez people, this shit doesn’t have to be so complicated, nor so highly dysfunctional. Maybe just focusing on actively loving the people that we love is a good place to start. Remember: love works best as a verb.
Here is the article I referenced, if you dare: