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Couples Are Hilarious

I spotted this couple at Sea World and I had to take their picture. No faces: so I think it is okay. They are all florescent pink shoes, and matchy-matchy, and little tiny shorts. I love it! I don’t know how some women talk their partners into wearing matching outfits. It isn’t really my thing, but I still don’t know how they do it. I have buddies who I think would just drive away and lie low for a while if they knew that was what their wife had planned. But then, I think that a lot of the behaviors that we fall into as pairs are things that we would have sworn would never happen to us when we were single.

I used to smoke a cigarette or two on a given evening, but I finally stopped purchasing them altogether because whenever I had a pack my husband would just smoke them all, and I didn’t think that it was good for him. He wouldn’t buy them often on his own so I just stopped so that he would stop, and I was blown away by the fact that he didn’t even find the whole situation ridiculously amusing. I asked him if he would start smoking again if I started buying cigarettes again, and his answer was that yeah, he probably would. He has barely said a word about the fact that I haven’t bought any meat in the past four or five months now. I know that if he really wants some he will just go and get it, but I suppose that because I do the majority of the day-to-day cooking, he just doesn’t care. His father would pitch a fit if his mother served one meatless meal, I think. I find it totally hilarious.

In his restaurant the other day my husband told me that he was observing a side-by-side-seating couple, and that a friend of ours who he works with admitted that he and his wife do this as well. I didn’t even know that this was a thing. I cannot conceive of not wanting to sit across from the person that I am eating with, so that we can have a face-to–face conversation. I wonder if it is for the purpose of simultaneously observing the surroundings so that there is more interest to add to the conversation. Anyways, I don’t really get it. But then I can also not even conceive of ordering the exact same dish that my husband does in a restaurant. Why would anyone do that when there is an opportunity to share?

So we get set in our quirks. I guess that the best wisdom to glean from all of this is that even more important than love, or chemistry, or the alignment of future goals; we should be strongly figuring in our ability to align our own quirks with those of whomever we are considering for the position of our partner in life. I used to date a guy who was adamant about always eating on the tray, and inside the “restaurant” when we went out for fast food. He also needed about an hour to get ready before leaving the house and would set up a specific getting-ready playlist for his primp time. We never, ever, would have made it very long. He is married now, and I hope that he managed to find someone who thinks that his quirks are adorable. My husband doesn’t seem to have any problem with the fact that I sound like a wookiee when I blow my nose, and he actively works to tolerate the fact that I talk to all of the traffic when I drive. I deal lightheartedly with the fact that he seems to be incapable of picking up laundry off of the floor or turning off a light switch. I guess that it comes down to this quote, which according to was not written by Dr. Seuss: “We’re all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone
whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into
mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”


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I actually really dislike Oprah Winfrey as a talk show host and television personality.

I was home with my kids when they were babies and I had her show on a lot. Then at one point I remember her and her friend going into a Walmart and just cracking up over the fact that they were so frigging isolated by their current wealth that they didn’t understand how things worked there. Like the way that the plastic hangers operated or something…

I remember being absolutely disgusted at their behavior. Not only that someone who presents her life story as having grown up in poverty would turn around and make fun of the fact that she doesn’t understand how people who are not as well off as her would live, but additionally to think that her audience is so much less intelligent than she is that not one of us would be offended by her behavior.

Well I was, and I haven’t watched a thing that woman has put out in the past ten years.

I do think she is a brilliant actress though, even so, I couldn’t watch …