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20 Confessions Of A Stay At Home Mom


I have friends praise me and tell me how amazing it is that I home school my kids, and what a great mother I am. Staying at home with three kids who are close in age is a true challenge, so I appreciate the support. Everyone might not think that it is all as idyllic as it seems if they were to spend a day with us, however. Here is a peek into my awesome, stay at home life.

1.     My eleven-year-old son still does not know how to tie his shoes. For one thing, we live in Florida, and he rarely wears shoes with laces. Every time that I have tried to teach him, he gets frustrated, so I just figure that it isn’t important and he will learn when he is ready. Who cares?
2.     As for my shoes: twice in the past year I have worn shoes out in public that were not flip flops and they came unglued from old age and non-use and I threw them in the garbage and went home barefoot.
3.     Even though I am working on two novels, I sometimes write maybe one or two sentences in a day. I am pretty regular at getting my blog out, but the novels get put on the back burner if the children have burnt out my brain that day.
4.     I drink black coffee all day long. I keep a pot warming on the maker all day, and usually end up drinking about three quarters of it.
5.     My linen closets are a nightmare. I push the children to fulfill their responsibilities in doing household chores all day long, but by the end of the day when the towels that they have folded look like abstract art, I figure fuck it, and we throw them in the closet anyways.
6.     I usually only leave the neighborhood one in every three days. I jog inside our gates here, so I do leave the house, but usually I am only out to the store a couple of days of the week.
7.     I do anything possible on the internet. I even order our library books on the online and they are delivered here to the house. I renew them for as long as I can so that I don’t have to frequently make trips all of the way to the library.
8.     I stand like a flamingo at my computer all day, and consider it getting in my yoga.
9.     I rarely have any idea what day of the week it is.
10. Most of the clothes in my closet are rarely worn, even once a year. I have a batch of about five tee shirts and three pairs of shorts that are my constant uniform, and I wear them to bed as well.
11. I would rather have friends over than go out to a restaurant any day of the week. The kiddos are occupied, the drinks are cheaper, and I don’t have to worry about driving.
12. I still wake up in the middle of the night almost every single night and can’t go back to sleep until I go and check on my kids.
13. My children still seem to sense it every time that I go to poop on the toilet, and decide that it is the perfect time to come and have a heart to heart discussion. They do the same thing to my husband and I will try to play interference for him, but have given up the battle for myself. I am just waiting for them to hit puberty and become embarrassed.
14. I have probably purchased around thirty pairs of toenail clippers in the past ten years, and every one of them has disappeared. The last time I cut my toenails, I was getting desperate, so I used a pair of scissors.
15. I don’t like talking on the telephone, so I have slowly pawned off all of the obligatory family phone calls on my kids. “Hey honey, don’t you want to call Grandpa?”
16.  I actually feel guilty now when I pick up after them. My kids do the majority of the household chores, because I do not want for them to live in filth when they leave us at the age of eighteen. The problem is that they still haven’t achieved thoroughness. When I go around behind them finishing everything, I fear that they may never learn.
17. Nirvana for me is when all three kids have a piece of fiction that they are into.
18. The whole family still uses that shower in the master bathroom, because that way I only have one shower to clean.
19. I truly enjoy spending time with my kids, especially as they have been getting older. They are crazy smart, and they are all funny as hell.
20. Eight o’clock cocktail time has been the carrot at the end of the stick for me for the past ten years, and I am sure that it will be for the next ten. Alcohol is cheaper than therapy, and it totally helps to make it through parenting.


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I actually really dislike Oprah Winfrey as a talk show host and television personality.

I was home with my kids when they were babies and I had her show on a lot. Then at one point I remember her and her friend going into a Walmart and just cracking up over the fact that they were so frigging isolated by their current wealth that they didn’t understand how things worked there. Like the way that the plastic hangers operated or something…

I remember being absolutely disgusted at their behavior. Not only that someone who presents her life story as having grown up in poverty would turn around and make fun of the fact that she doesn’t understand how people who are not as well off as her would live, but additionally to think that her audience is so much less intelligent than she is that not one of us would be offended by her behavior.

Well I was, and I haven’t watched a thing that woman has put out in the past ten years.

I do think she is a brilliant actress though, even so, I couldn’t watch …