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SAVE THE WINKIES! (Adult Language)

I  want to explain, again, that my only goal here is to get people thinking about this issue. I know how sensitive we all are about the choices that we make in raising our children. I am not looking to make anyone feel badly about having made the choice to circumcise his or her son, and I am especially not seeking to make anyone feel defensive about having done so. Most men in this country have been circumcised, and mostly because their parents didn’t have this information. That is why I am passing it along.

I had to fight tooth and nail, like I did with so many issues regarding the health of my children, to keep the circus at the hospital from carrying my son off and chopping off part of his winkie. I am not kidding. I had nurses asking my husband and me over and over again if we were really sure that we didn’t want them to circumcise our son. Of course, having educated ourselves on the subject, we looked at them like they were off of their fucking rockers. This was back when I expected health care professionals to have the good sense not to try and force a painful and unnecessary procedure on a newborn infant without anesthesia, but hey, at least I have learned my lesson. I know that they have their protocols or whatever, and I am sure that they can add twenty more line items to that truly preposterous thing we call a hospital bill when the procedure is preformed (#77 alcohol swab: $400.00). Their motivation, at least, is pretty transparent.

Okay, so why do the majority of Americans choose to have their little boys’ winkies snipped? I say choose, because most people don’t really even give the idea much consideration. Most people just do it because they think that it is what you do, or maybe because that doggone nurse in the hospital sells them that asinine line about circumcision being more sanitary. When parents choose to circumcise, it is most often because they want their little son’s anatomy to match daddies. Um…I know; it is all kinds of weird. I am sure Freud would have a hay day with it. What the majority of people do not know is that all of this actually starts way back in American history, and it was done for one reason and one reason alone: A group of Puritanical assholes wanted to prevent young boys from masturbating. They even tried to get the ball rolling on female circumcision as well. They wanted for all of us to burn little baby girls’ clitorises with acid. I know; it makes me want to throw up.

Here is the reason that we chose to save our son’s winkie: Besides the fact that the procedure is unnecessary, and absolutely not more sanitary, and can result in complications including infection: circumcision can limit a man’s sensation in his penis by up to seventy percent! I do not feel that it is in any way my right to take that away from my child. To consciously choose to do that to a man is abhorrent! Again, I know that most people do not make the decision with all of this information in mind, but that is why I am spreading the news. Circumcision is cruel and archaic and the practice needs to fucking stop. And yes, I have considered the fact that at some point my son might have some embarrassment to get over because of the fact that he looks different from some other men, but do you know what? I think that given the choice, most men, my son included, would choose seventy percent more sensation in their penis over a tiny aesthetic difference…seriously. One of my old boyfriends was uncircumcised and I certainly wouldn’t even have considered giving him any grief over that fact. It would actually make me a pretty mean woman, and I hope that my son never ends up dating one.

So that is it: short and sweet. We do it because we don’t know why we shouldn’t. Like a lot of things involving having a baby, circumcision gets pushed on many new parents. Having a baby is stressful and exhausting, and we need to stop underestimating the fact that health care professionals know exactly how vulnerable parents are after the birth of a brand new baby. I took a team of five into the hospital with me to get my twins out of there safely without having any procedures that I didn’t want my children to have forced upon us. It is important that expectant parents go into that environment very well prepared if they don’t want to have a negative experience. Talking about the reality of circumcision can help to save that seventy percent of penile sensation for a man. Talk about it, and you can help to save a winkie today.


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I actually really dislike Oprah Winfrey as a talk show host and television personality.

I was home with my kids when they were babies and I had her show on a lot. Then at one point I remember her and her friend going into a Walmart and just cracking up over the fact that they were so frigging isolated by their current wealth that they didn’t understand how things worked there. Like the way that the plastic hangers operated or something…

I remember being absolutely disgusted at their behavior. Not only that someone who presents her life story as having grown up in poverty would turn around and make fun of the fact that she doesn’t understand how people who are not as well off as her would live, but additionally to think that her audience is so much less intelligent than she is that not one of us would be offended by her behavior.

Well I was, and I haven’t watched a thing that woman has put out in the past ten years.

I do think she is a brilliant actress though, even so, I couldn’t watch …