A friend of mine had liked or commented on an article online yesterday, and it caught my notice because I saw how many people had responded to it so positively saying that it rang true with them and that they really appreciated what it had to say. Well, I wouldn’t normally read an article on dating, but since there was such a strong response to the article, my curiosity was stirred. I was surprised to discover that not only did I disagree with the article, but that it actually saddened me quite a bit. Now, it is very likely that I have trouble associating with this because I have been out of the dating loop for almost fourteen years, or because I was a much younger person when I was dating. Anyways, here is a brief synopsis of what the article said from my perspective:
It went into length explaining just how much time people waste dating when they aren’t head over heels for someone, or their feelings are not reciprocated with equal enthusiasm. The piece talked about how much more productive it is not to waste time on anyone whose future goals do not align with ours, who we aren’t strongly attracted to, or who is too busy to dedicate a great deal of time to us. The author also goes into explaining what a waste of time it is for a man to pursue, or vice versa, a woman when she isn’t instantly jumping into his arms and begging for hot sex. I may be exaggerating his delivery of that to some extent, but that is what I got out of it.
The first reason that I was truly annoyed by this article is because I am living proof, that at least in some cases, that this man is one hundred percent wrong. My husband and I have been together for almost fourteen years. When I first met him, I thought that it was just going to be a fling. I was planning on meeting back up with an old boyfriend of mine, who I believe later ended up serving a four year prison sentence. My husband was not going to let that happen, and he perused me very hard, and finally convinced me that we were meant to be together. Thank fucking-god! I was an oblivious idiot who couldn’t see the best thing that was ever going to happen to me when he was right in front of my face! My husband and I are brilliant together. We have awesome communication, we support each other in everything, we work together through the difficult moments, and we have a rock solid marriage. I am monumentally grateful to my husband for taking the time and the effort to convince me how awesome we were destined to be together.
Even as great as we are, there are a lot of things that have improved over the years as well. It took us a long time to mature to the place where we were both willing to share our deepest secrets and fears with each other. I think that expecting to walk right into a relationship and have that come easily is asinine! Additionally, I think that almost every dedicated couple will admit that if they have put effort into their sex life over the years, it has improved vastly from where it was when they first met. My husband and I had chemistry in the beginning, but then that brand-newness faded, and after that we had three kids in less that two years. We experienced an enormous dead spot in our sex life that lasted for a long time, but we stuck with it and kept working on it. We had a little dedication to one another, and today my sex life is better than it has ever been before, and I believe that he would say the same.
This may all sound really conservative or old fashioned, but in the end the feeling that I got from the article was that relationships just aren’t worth anyone’s time. I know that it was attempting to bolster people’s individual confidence when it comes to the dating scene, but I really took it more as encouraging people to regard relationships as disposable. If you don’t like that one try another, there are always more. In the same way that people used to go to the lengths to have household items repaired instead of immediately throwing them in the trash and replacing them when they don’t work, and why not apply the same advice to marriage? Well, if you and the wifey aren’t hitting it off just throw her away and get another. You owe it to yourself. Relationships require a fuckload of work to be successful. It is the honest truth, and anyone who says otherwise is full of shit. If someone isn’t willing to put in a little work in the beginning to get a relationship started in the first place, how much work do you think they are going to put into it when the honeymoon phase is over and shit gets real? I am still baffled over the response to his article. When did we all get so selfish? Seriously, I would never consider dating this guy; I don’t think that he plans on keeping anyone around for very long.
Take a look to see if you agree: http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes/