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Twenty Things A Woman Like Me Does Not Find Sexy About A Man (Adult Content)

1.     You Kissing Animals. Seriously, I know that there is a whole thing going on in popular culture, with big sexy men being crazy about their pets, but I do not want to see anyone kissing an animal on the mouth. They lick their butts; it is gross, period.
2.     Groups of men getting half naked together. I think it is simply because the behavior is so transparent. I personally happen to find two men kissing rather sexy, but when you guys are purposely hanging out together and getting sweaty for the sole purpose of attracting female attention…I just find it gross. Go get a job at a male strip club, those women love it.
3.     Grown men who play an excessive amount of video games. Pretty much this means more than thirty minutes in a twenty-four hour period. It is not good for anything, it doesn’t accomplish anything, and you are just sitting there wasting time.
4.     Your big environment destroying, gas guzzling, land boat that you call a truck. Unless you actually ranch, or work construction, or regularly haul a boat and need the damn thing, it is simply a reflection of your own insecurity: not sexy.
5.     Wasting money. Buying me a nice thoughtful gift that is within your means is absolutely lovely and appreciated, but taking me out to dinner and spending way more than you can afford reflects impetuousness, and an inability to manage money. Not the qualities that make a man sexy to me.
6.     Talking about things that you do not know about. There are a great deal of men out there who think that people will not respect them if they do not know the answer to everything under the sun. It is not true, and it is completely obvious when you try to fake it.
7.     Putting down other people, especially other women and their physical appearance. Quite frankly, any man who leans into me and mentions that another woman needs to take off a few pounds can be guaranteed that I would not consider sleeping with him, ever.
8.     Too much muscle. Of course this goes for men and women alike, but although muscle is beautiful, too much muscle is just gross. Like when you are seriously losing flexibility, it is time to tone it down.
9.     Declaring that you don’t read. I have mentioned this before, but there is absolutely nothing that I find less sexy than willful ignorance.
10. Whistling. Quite frankly, not just whistling at me to get my attention, but whistling in general completely grates on my nerves. Maybe because I feel that when a man whistles he is sending out a subliminal signal that he is bored. Oh, do I need to do something to entertain you?
11. Telling racist, or sexist, or homophobic jokes. Do I really need to explain this one?
12. Chewing gum. This is another personal one, and it makes me somewhat old fashioned, but not only does gum chewing resemble a cow chewing cud to me, it also gives away an anxious personality. Anxiousness is not sexy. Do you have a warrant out for your arrest or something?
13. Littering. I feel like I should not have to explain this one either, but seriously? What woman would honestly want to be with a man who expects other people to clean up after him, gross! P.S. This absolutely includes cigarette butts, be an adult and find a place to throw that shit away.
14. Driving like an asshole. Yep, it is a privilege not a right. I do not find you putting other peoples’ lives at risk to show off your driving skills amusing.
15. Lying. This absolutely goes without saying. Whether you have accepted this fact or not, good sex is basically founded upon trust. If you lie to me or to anyone else I have no reason to trust you; therefore you are absolutely going to suck in bed.
16. Pushiness. If a man is pushy with a woman about anything, then there is a much stronger likelihood that he is going to be pushy about sex. This is a huge glaring warning sign for women to get the hell away from you. You may not have any bad intentions whatsoever, but we do not know that, and unfortunately, we need to be cautious and protect ourselves.
17. Your gun. I respect that you have it. I respect you if you keep it responsibly, but if you are waving it around and showing it off then again, you probably lack confidence, and that just is not attractive. P.S. It is totally okay to show it to me if I ask to see it (double meaning here).
18. Bragging, or one-upping. Ugggg…come on, it is juvenile and I am not impressed.
19. Degrading magazines or porn in visible places in your home. Most men read and watch porn…this is a reality. If you are so audacious and discourteous to leave it out on the coffee table or on the rack in the bathroom, you should still be living in a frat house.
20. Making declarations while drunk. I am shaking my head as I write this. I once had an ex boyfriend declare his undying love for me and beg me to take him back as he was doubled over my toilet seat throwing up. Needless to say, it was not romantic, and certainly not sexy.


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Resolve to be Happy

1. Stay In

2. Read Books

3. Let it go to Voice Mail

4. Write a Letter

5. Dance

6. Invest in Mood Lighting

7. Have Dinner with Friends 

8. Take Walks

9. Bake

10. Breathe Deeply

11. Enjoy your Morning Coffee

12. Play Board Games

13. Hug your Pillows

14. Adopt a New Ritual

15. Look Around

16. Give a Gift

17. Happy Cry

18. Smile at Strangers

19. Cuddle

20. Savor Small Portions

21. Stretch

22. Take Pictures

23. Use Profanity Freely

24. Give Hugs

25. Listen Carefully

26. Beautify your Space

27. Share your Favorite Movie 

28. Laugh Generously

29. Accept Gifts Gratefully 

30. Give Thanks