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Brutally Honest…Period (Adult content, language.)

Brutally Honest…Period (Adult content, language.)

This is going to be a really disgusting blog, so fair warning as you read on. I decided to write it, because like in many other facets of femininity, it is taboo for women to talk about our periods. Especially, in a venue where a male might hear what a woman actually has to say about it. We really aren’t supposed to talk about it though. We are trained to be embarrassed that we even have a menstrual cycle, while men walk around grabbing their balls to be funny, and the behavior is completely socially acceptable. Oh yeah, I am one of those hippie feminists who believes that a woman should have the same right to go topless in public that a man has. Here’s the last chance to stop reading before I gross you out, and possibly piss you off, and most likely offend you.

First of all, I absolutely loathe tampons. My honest opinion of them, is that they are small, chemical filled, dildos that some man designed, because he got a kick out of the idea of us walking around with them shoved up our vaginas all day long. They are unnatural, un-comfortable, and they are not effective. I have many times removed a tampon to discover that there is blood all over my underwear and that aside from a little red line down one side, the tampon is perfectly clean. The first time that I ever tried to use one, I inserted one from the box that my mother had, not understanding that the disgusting things came in sizes. The experience was absolutely excruciating, as is it to this day for me, when I have to remove one that isn’t entirely saturated from my body. We have known for a long damn time now that the nasty little things cause toxic shock, which is a pretty good indication that they were a stupid invention in the first place. They are still the number one seller for women when it comes to menstrual care in our country though. Why? Because I honestly believe that we are complacently going along with what our male dominated society wants us to do, and hiding that gooey feminine shit as far away from them as we can possibly shove it.

I think that almost every woman might admit, if she were brave, that one of her most embarrassing moments in life had something to do with a menstrual accident. If other women are anything like me, this shit happens pretty commonly, and yet we are terrified that we will have that accident and that someone will see. I have had to leave parties in my life because I didn’t have extra clothing with me after unexpectedly getting blood on my clothes. I remember once getting blood all over the sheets at someone else’s house and trying to scrub it out in mortification so that they wouldn’t see. I seriously think that we are so socially shamed about the subject of our periods, that even amongst women we are afraid to mention how often the incidents happen. It’s practically a physical impossibility, but I have literally woken up in the morning with blood on a tiny corner of the giant landing strip of a pad that I was wearing, but completely covering my sheets . It has happened many times.

My periods, especially now that I am getting older, come in with a bang. For a good twelve hours I bleed like a stuck pig, no kidding. I am thrilled that I work form home, because I am literally running to the bathroom all day long on my first day. Then the second day, is the only one that I would really consider normal flow-wise. On the third day, I pretty much dry up, and I don’t bleed for a day or two until the arrival of what I like to call the sneak attack. This is when I spontaneously bleed for another six hours with a reasonably good flow before I dry up again and the whole thing is over. I actually think that I have been lucky compared to some of the friends that I know, because I rarely have cramps that bother me very much. My point is that periods aren’t soft or sweet or feminine at all. They are manly and brutal. They are bloody and painful like war. And I am deeply offended by the idea that we are expected to use little pink flower covered packages to make it all go away, so that men don’t have to think about it or know about it…oh, except when it is used as an excuse for our less than ideal behavior.

So my dirty little secret, that I have the balls to admit, is that I don’t like pads either. They hold so much blood and they are gross and feel like a diaper, and they also aren’t always effective. And they smell like fraking flowers, I mean seriously? On an average period I use one or two pads on my heaviest day, and I only ever use tampons if I am going to be out at the beach or in my bathing suit. The rest of the time, when I don’t know if I will be bleeding a little, or not at all, I use neatly folded wedges of toilet paper. Ewww, gasp, right? Why? The stuff is just as sanitary as the other crap that they expect us to use. We use it to wipe everything with anyways. I feel like it is a more cleanly approach, because I am throwing away the used paper and getting new, every single time that I go to the bathroom. The real serious eco-hippie ladies employ bleach-free hemp towels that they can wash and re-use. That’s not my cup of tea, but it’s the same idea really. My first boyfriend, who was an absolute asshole, actually told me that he found the practice gross once, and I was not yet mature enough to stand up for myself in regards to the subject. At this point I would love to tell him that it was none of his damn business, and question whether he found a little braided string hanging out of my vagina vastly more sexy than my alternative.

It is only because the rules of society are breaking down now at faster speeds than ever, that I can be bold enough to share an opinion like this, and I love it. Yes, I am an intelligent independent woman who is not going to put my money towards products that I believe are inferior, which contribute to a campaign to keep women in our place. Our children rip their way out of our bodies, and our thresholds for pain are ten times higher than that of men, but we are still expected to swallow the idea that we are the weaker sex. Men who profess to believe in sexual equality are still constantly putting women down. They work every day to shut us up, and put us away in our pretty little pink packages, and it sucks. Our ancestors fought hard to win us the rights that we have as women in this country, and I believe that we have dishonored them by dropping the ball with feminism. I am good at speaking out, so I am just going to keep doing it, and doing it loudly. What are you going to do?


  1. Wow Kris I think you literally just described me. I only use tampons if I go out. That shit is expensive and I am poor. Toilet paper is awesome! I really don't see how it is any different from a pad. None of those products ever work well enough. If I wear a tampon I have to put toilet paper in there or a pad anyway. Sorry i'm not sorry!!


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