Skip to main content

Nobody’s Perfect


Nobody’s Perfect

My husband and I often get compliments from our good friends on what a healthy marriage we have. I will not deny it, we work very hard on it, and it is a particularly healthy one. That being said, it is not a perfect marriage, because nothing is perfect, and having that expectation of anything sets us up for failure. We, like everyone, hit bumps in the road from time to time, we have arguments, and we go through things that we need to sort out together. Often, these things come to a head when we are under extra stress, or are feeling particularly vulnerable for one reason or another.

The reason that I may have been touchy yesterday was because I had to go to the dentist. Not even for me, but for my daughter, which might honestly be even more traumatic for me, then when I go for myself. If you have read my blogs, you may already know that I am pretty strongly iatrophobic. Doctors and dentists scare me witless, and I have to work up a lot of gumption to stand up to them. This was the third dentist that we were seeing on the same issue. Blessedly, the appointment went pretty well. I finally found some people who were willing to listen to me, and compromise in regards to my daughter’s treatment. I think that the whole thing left me somewhat emotionally deflated however.

My mistake was that rather then recognizing my state of mind yesterday, I deflected it into further vulnerability and I allowed myself to feel jealous about my husband sharing his time with me. It was completely unfair to him, and I was behaving like a very needy woman, demanding his time. This caused an argument, of course. It happens. We are pretty good at getting through these. We get better every day at uncovering the root causes of our behaviors. I understand that it is ridiculous for me to feel jealous about not getting enough of my husband’s time, when he puts all of his time and energy into bettering our lives.

My point is, it happens. I have never met any couple that does not argue. I know a few couples that may look to everyone else that they never get in arguments, but I know better. We all come with baggage, we all come with opinions, and it would be impossible to expect that two partners will always be aligned on everything that they face in life. If they are then they are probably not doing it right. We learn by making mistakes, and if we are never making any mistakes then we aren’t learning much. Relationships are complicated, life is not simple, and for people who are raising kids…I mean seriously…sometimes I wonder how we even do it. If you are in a marriage or a partnership, and you are making it work every day, you are doing a damn good job! Even if nobody else is recognizing that fact, I am. Nobody is perfect, and even when you mess up, you are doing a good job, a really, really good job! Just keep it up, and remember to give yourself some kudos sometimes.  


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

20 Things…you learn after moving to Florida.

20 Things…you learn after moving to Florida.
1.There is a big difference between a roach and a palmetto bug. Real roaches are the guys from New York. They infest, they are spooky smart, they are dirty and nasty, and you have to work really hard to get rid of them. Palmetto bugs however, are big and creepy and dumb. You usually see them outside at night and they will fly right at your face. They don’t infest because they are native and they can’t survive in our AC temps. 2.Every public indoor place will always be frigid. Most of your friend’s houses will be as well. I take a sweater with me almost everywhere that I go, and if I forget to I regret it. 3.Outside of weather emergencies, weathermen are superfluous. In the rainy season, which is most of the time, there is an eighty percent chance of rain, every single day. The weather man has no idea what time it will rain, how hard, or for how long, and there is no way for him to predict it. You just have to go out there with your fingers cr…

The Power Of Willful Ignorance

I watched a woman say these words in a speech a few moments ago and nothing could be more true...willful ignorance is insanely powerful. Willful ignorance is the reason that good German people allowed their neighbors to be dragged off by the Nazis in the middle of the night. It is the reason that American people choose to believe our homeless are lazy and irresponsible instead of facing the reality that their situations have arisen because of widespread mental illness and cooperate greed. It is the reason that you will pick up a steak on your way home from work tonight, not bothering to find out where it came from, because you just don’t want to know. The truth is too disgusting.
I have gone on about the meat industry quite a bit and my goal here is not to do that. I love to eat meat, I will state that again, but the example that comes from our consumption of factory meat is so powerful when it comes to explaining willful ignorance that I want to use it. Out of ALL of the many, many,…

Christmas in Florida

Christmas in Florida
December tenth today and I swam my thirty laps in the pool. It’s pretty chilly, but I don’t really feel it after the second lap. I am so grateful that I am able to keep swimming this late into the season. My body responds much better to swimming than it does to running, and I still get a great cardio work out.
This is our seventh or eighth Christmas in Florida now. To be honest, it wasn’t much of an adjustment for me. I have lived in climates where we got tons of snow. I even graduated from high school in Northern Michigan, but I really don’t miss it. I am a worrier, so snow just makes me think of bad roads and car accidents. I think snow is absolutely gorgeous, but I don’t like the cold. I would be perfectly happy if snow stayed on mountains. I would visit it to ski.
I finally convinced my husband for the first time this year that we really did not need a tree. He is partial to real ones, and I have no real love for artificial trees. Not once in all of the years…