My Super Awesome Metabolism
It is actually rather awe-inspiring. If I had known everything as a kid that I do now, I probably would have seriously considered pursuing wrestling, or weight lifting, or something along those lines. I can pack on bulk like nobody’s business. I jokingly say that I can look at a cookie and gain ten pounds. It has always been this way for me, even as a child, and that definitely complicated things for me as a kid. I have come to terms with how my body is in a lot of ways, and there are others that I am still working on. I struggle not to be disappointed in myself when I admit that I do have body image issues.
I gained around ten pounds over Christmas because I was eating carbs. My body is simple in that respect. Flat out, no variation: I eat carbs, I gain weight. I eliminate carbs completely, and it goes away. Not necessarily healthy. I do recognize this. I also understand that my body’s natural inclination is probably to be about twenty or thirty pounds heavier than I prefer to be, even on a great diet with lots of cardio. I love my body at one-twenty though. It feels good to me, and it makes me happy that way. I like the way that my clothes fit. I enjoy touching my flat stomach. These things give me joy.
My husband is representing a fantastic nutrition company now, and so, when I was getting ready to cut my carbs again at the beginning of the year, he asked me very nicely (this is how I must be dealt with), to try using the products instead. And of course, I took a long time in finally relenting because I already knew what would happen if I did as he had asked. The shakes and supplements involved in meal replacement contain carbs…so I know that there is no way I am going to lose any weight this way, it just won’t happen. It probably works for ninety nine percent of the population, but not for me.
I was absolutely right. I haven’t lost any weight in two weeks. My muscle definition, however, is working like a rock star. My body is toned and it really looks good. I feel great. I have a nice happy sore going from my increased exercise. My stomach, which normally pains me quite a bit, has not been hurting. I am getting supplements down without throwing them back up, which is not common. All in all…this is fantastic right? So why am I still having body image issues?
It kills my husband a little. He barked at me to get off of the scale the other day, and he tells me over and over again that I look amazing. The only solid answer that I can come up with is the fact that I must have residual damage from being a chubby kid. I don’t replay the scenarios over and over in my head again or anything, but it still seems to be there. Logically, I know that nothing matters as long as I am healthy. I guess this story is just going out there in the hopes that it can comfort someone who feels the same way. I am doing whatever I can to try and keep from passing this onto my kids. I think that the damage takes a lot of time to undo, so I certainly don’t want to pass it onto another generation. That something every parent should remember.