How Women Get Angry
I was thinking about this because I got really ticked off at my husband last night. It doesn’t actually happen very often. Over twelve years of marriage we have learned how to get along pretty well, and I am, in many ways, a very a-typical female, so I tend to understand the guy perspective pretty well. Last night however, when I got angry, it was a very typical scene. I don’t know if all females will agree with me, but from my experience, when we get angry, it doesn’t just happen at the drop of a hat. Our breakdowns build up in layers, and if you are paying attention to us, you can see us getting progressively more and more agitated. The problem is that you usually are not paying attention, so you tend to miss the signs. I will try to point some of them out through retelling my story, in the hopes of helping men identify the signs that they might be sending a woman into an angry rage.
1. I was tired. I had been working for a few days to get ready for my husband’s very large and rowdy annual birthday party. There had been close to thirty people in and out of my house for over twelve hours and it was late. This sets a good scene for a woman to get angry, just like when a man is hungry.
2. My environment was in chaos. As many people as there has been in the house, there were a lot of messes to clean up. We do pretty well at our house because our friends are always willing to pitch in, but unless you stay up until after every last person has gone to sleep or gone home, it is impossible to have my house exactly the way that I want it. Women, especially women with children, are strongly affected by the state of our environment. My environment was in chaos, so I was already consciously working to keep it together.
3. Surprises. Women generally do not like these that much, unless you have purchased something for us. If the surprise changes our plans, we are usually not very happy. I had a bunch of guests from out of town staying overnight at our house. I was relatively well prepared for where I was going to put everyone, when one of my husband invited one of his in town buddies to stay over too, along with his two daughters. This sort of sent me into panic mode, but I was still holding it together.
4. You aren’t noticing. After I put my crying son back to sleep for the second time on the air mattress in my room, I tried to lie down and go to sleep as well. My husband was still up goofing around though. Earlier, I had stomped off expecting him to follow me to bed (we NEVER stomp off without expecting you to follow us). There were kids on couches in the common room who weren’t asleep yet, and it was just damn well time for everyone to try to find a place to sleep and to go to bed. After I lied there awake for about twenty minutes, I stomped out of my room, found my husband, and loudly ordered him to go to bed. I should have not approached the situation that way, but I was past the point of return. My husband must have seen it in my eyes, because after questioning me once he did as had asked…well sort of demanded.
5. Don’t make it worse. So now I am angry, and I only want to sleep, and I am a little embarrassed about getting upset in front of our friends. My husband took this opportunity to be pouty about having to go to bed, and being lovey-dovey at the same time, and he was loud about it. This is while my three kids are still trying to sleep in the same room. He is lucky that he did not get kicked out of bed, but then I really didn’t have any place else to put him.
I am still a little teed off, but writing about it is very therapeutic. I will definitely ask my husband to read this, and I hope that it will help avoid similar situations in the future. My whole point is that we don’t just get angry at the drop of a hat. It may seem that way to men sometimes, but I do insist that the reason is probably because you are not paying attention. There is usually a domino line-up leading to the point where a woman loses her temper, and the very best way for men to avoid the blow up, is to be observant. Pay attention to how we are acting. If we are clearly agitated then do the best that you can not to make it worse. Good luck.