My husband and I actually have two anniversaries. One is on December twenty-third: the day that we had a ceremony and celebration with our close friends and family. We had the party at my mother’s house, and spent about one hundred dollars total on the wedding. Our second anniversary is on the twenty-seventh: the day that we appeared before the justice of the peace at the courthouse in Cumming Georgia. On the way to pick up our wedding license, we got the call confirming that we were going to be foster parents. It feels like life has been a whirlwind ever since then, and it has been a good one.
I will not say that everything over the past twelve years has been idyllic, but from our point of view it has still been wonderful. We have lost grandparents, and had young relatives suffer terrible injury and disease on both sides of our families. We have gone through personal crisis, and grown by leaps and bounds, and through the whole thing neither of us deserted the other. If I can think of one rule for making a marriage work, it is to stick together. My husband got up with me every two hours that the twins woke up for the first six months of their life. And I have stressed through every rough patch in his career right along with him.
We have learned each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Instead of giving one another a hard time because of them (aside from doing it in jest), we pick up the slack together. We succeed well as a team, and we try not to pick at one another’s faults, unless it is in a constructive attempt. It is not always easy. One thing I know for sure that I do not do, and I am pretty certain that he does not either, is to sit with my friends and complain about him. If my husband does something that bothers me I talk to him about it rather than going on about him behind his back, because I know that it never does any good. People say that it’s venting…but that doesn’t mean that it is productive or healthy in any way, and I see a lot of couples do it.
Sometimes, especially in the times that aren’t easy, the most important thing for married couples to remember is that we have the exact same goals, no matter if we see their execution being played out differently. We both want to be financially secure and successful, without stepping on anyone else as we work towards that goal. We want to set a good example for our kids. We want to teach them how to be good and kind people, who contribute to society rather than taking advantage of it. We want for our whole family to be as happy and healthy and well balanced as possible. As long as we can always keep in mind that our goals are the same, then we can always find a way to work through any disagreements that we may have along the way. It sounds easy, and it’s not. A marriage is just like anything else that is worth having. It is worth working for. I think that both my husband and I got into this thing knowing that we were willing to work for it…and I think that’s why it works.