Just Embrace the Insanity
I often forget that other people are normal, and it surprises me a little sometimes when I notice their reaction to the fact that I am not. I was in Costco the other day with my kids, goofing around in the checkout isle, taking pictures of them. The rather…um, straight-laced…cashier was very grumbly when it took me a couple of seconds to hand him my membership card. There was no one behind me in line. I noticed his extreme confusion when I giggled and apologized profusely for my mistake, and smiled broadly. He kept sending strange glances in my direction as I chatted with the woman who was putting the groceries in the cart, and answering my children’s six thousand questions. I had to stop and remind myself that the poor man just didn’t understand how or why I could be so positive and kind to him when it was clear that he disliked me. I just have to laugh at it again though, because the idea that people are confused by my happiness is hilarious to me.
I arrived at the kid’s 4H robotics meeting the other day, and there was no meeting. We had been out of town, and I couldn’t find our schedule and I knew that it was the right week that there should be a meeting, but I didn’t double check. We arrived at the house and no one was there. It is a forty-minute drive, and it was too bad that we made it for no reason, but it wasn’t really that big of a deal. The kids and I had a decent chat in the car, and we had a little more time that we had expected to run some errands. This is how I have programmed myself; I try to look on the bright side. Honestly, when does anything go perfectly, ever? Life just doesn’t work that way. I try to anticipate all of the irritations that I will face each day, and then I rejoice in every little thing that goes right. It works for me, and so what if it is crazy? Insanity is actually a good thing. Sanity seems to be a quality that forces the brain to structure everything. In my life; with three kids, a husband, a dog, my writing, my kids education, friends, family, finances, and everything else…I think that insanity would be me trying to make it all run in an orderly fashion. Sanity, on the other hand, is letting it all go, riding the wave, and doing the best that I can to catch everything as it careens around.
I have this awesome memory of lying on the floor in my grandpa’s old office, on the terribly ugly pea green carpet with my husband. We were watching something on TV while the twins actually napped for a moment. I think that they were about three months old, and I hadn’t had more than two hours sleep in a row since they had been born. I started laughing at something on the television and I could not stop myself. I laughed and laughed…hard, so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath, or speak, and tears were pouring out of my eyes. My husband finally got really concerned and eventually he was able to get me to stop. It was simply all too much. I just lost it in that moment. Maybe that’s when I lost it for good, when I finally embraced the fact that I was a mother and my life was never, ever, going to be the way that it was before. How is it even possible to be a sane person when you have little people running around with your heart in their hands? That’s what sounds crazy to me. So I surrender. I give into the insanity. I embrace it, and it serves me well.