Skip to main content

20 Things…that are ridiculous about me.


20 Things…that are ridiculous about me.

1.     I am afraid to get a pedicure because I am convinced that I will come home with some strange foot disease. I have never had one.
2.     I have a lot of trouble eating food in ambient lighting. I need to see my food very clearly before I put it in my mouth.
3.     I tell the same stories over and over. I try not to…I have developed the ability to identify the looks on most of my friends faces when I am telling a story over again, so at least they don’t have to listen to the whole thing.
4.     I spend a good portion of my day wandering around looking for my lost cup of coffee.
5.     Even though my hearing is perfectly fine, I can not understand what anyone is saying to me over the phone. With the exception of my mother, whom I am for some reason able to understand, I just agree with the person on the other end of the line periodically. It is easier than saying, “What? What? What?” This is why I prefer texting and messaging.
6.     I am a monster grump in the morning. For the first fifteen minutes after I wake up, I will bite your head off if you speak to me.
7.     When I have had too much to drink, I am one of those people who tries to make best friends with strangers, especially strangers who are ethnically different from me.
8.     Even though I am great in the kitchen, and love to create recipes, I am still a hot mess when it comes to preparing an over easy egg.
9.     I exaggerate percentages with frightening consistency when I am trying to prove my point in a conversation.
10. Everything makes me cry. I am a ridiculous sap, children, commercials, whatever. I tear up at the drop of a hat…I really should have perused my dream of acting…in tragedies.
11. I have an insane adoration for musicals. I would be so happy if people broke out into song and dance in the streets on a daily basis, I cannot tell you.
12. I will eat mayonnaise on anything. I love the stuff so much, I eat it on apples, steak, chili, and scrambled eggs…to name a few.
13. As a result of birthing my daughter’s thirteen-inch head I often pee a little when I sneeze, or when I laugh. I will actually pause to cross my legs when I feel a sneeze coming on to prevent this.
14. I am obsessively thrifty. I rarely ever buy anything at full price. When my husband plans to make dinner and asks me what I want, my common response is, “Whatever is on sale.”
15. I only pet dogs with my feet. I feel the need to wash my hands every time that I touch a dog, so I pet them with my feet instead. My poor dog occasionally gets petted with my hands…and then I go wash them.
16. I forget things a lot. Faces always stick with me, but names, dates, and lots of things that my husband swears he has told me…I just forget.
17. I am chronically fearful of a bug crawling in my ear. I sleep on my side and I make sure that my hair covers the opposite ear every night when I go to sleep. I do this relatively unconsciously.
18. I fight with inanimate objects. For instance: if I stub my toe on the sofa, I will blame the sofa for attacking me, yell at it, and hit it.
19. I jump up and down and do a happy dance every time that I am eating something really delicious.
20. I will not eat grapes because I believe that they resemble eyeballs. I will eat cherry tomatoes but only if they are cut in half…preferably fourths.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

20 Things…you learn after moving to Florida.

20 Things…you learn after moving to Florida.
1.There is a big difference between a roach and a palmetto bug. Real roaches are the guys from New York. They infest, they are spooky smart, they are dirty and nasty, and you have to work really hard to get rid of them. Palmetto bugs however, are big and creepy and dumb. You usually see them outside at night and they will fly right at your face. They don’t infest because they are native and they can’t survive in our AC temps. 2.Every public indoor place will always be frigid. Most of your friend’s houses will be as well. I take a sweater with me almost everywhere that I go, and if I forget to I regret it. 3.Outside of weather emergencies, weathermen are superfluous. In the rainy season, which is most of the time, there is an eighty percent chance of rain, every single day. The weather man has no idea what time it will rain, how hard, or for how long, and there is no way for him to predict it. You just have to go out there with your fingers cr…

Christmas in Florida

Christmas in Florida
December tenth today and I swam my thirty laps in the pool. It’s pretty chilly, but I don’t really feel it after the second lap. I am so grateful that I am able to keep swimming this late into the season. My body responds much better to swimming than it does to running, and I still get a great cardio work out.
This is our seventh or eighth Christmas in Florida now. To be honest, it wasn’t much of an adjustment for me. I have lived in climates where we got tons of snow. I even graduated from high school in Northern Michigan, but I really don’t miss it. I am a worrier, so snow just makes me think of bad roads and car accidents. I think snow is absolutely gorgeous, but I don’t like the cold. I would be perfectly happy if snow stayed on mountains. I would visit it to ski.
I finally convinced my husband for the first time this year that we really did not need a tree. He is partial to real ones, and I have no real love for artificial trees. Not once in all of the years…

The Power Of Willful Ignorance

I watched a woman say these words in a speech a few moments ago and nothing could be more true...willful ignorance is insanely powerful. Willful ignorance is the reason that good German people allowed their neighbors to be dragged off by the Nazis in the middle of the night. It is the reason that American people choose to believe our homeless are lazy and irresponsible instead of facing the reality that their situations have arisen because of widespread mental illness and cooperate greed. It is the reason that you will pick up a steak on your way home from work tonight, not bothering to find out where it came from, because you just don’t want to know. The truth is too disgusting.
I have gone on about the meat industry quite a bit and my goal here is not to do that. I love to eat meat, I will state that again, but the example that comes from our consumption of factory meat is so powerful when it comes to explaining willful ignorance that I want to use it. Out of ALL of the many, many,…