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20 Things…that are ridiculous about me.


20 Things…that are ridiculous about me.

1.     I am afraid to get a pedicure because I am convinced that I will come home with some strange foot disease. I have never had one.
2.     I have a lot of trouble eating food in ambient lighting. I need to see my food very clearly before I put it in my mouth.
3.     I tell the same stories over and over. I try not to…I have developed the ability to identify the looks on most of my friends faces when I am telling a story over again, so at least they don’t have to listen to the whole thing.
4.     I spend a good portion of my day wandering around looking for my lost cup of coffee.
5.     Even though my hearing is perfectly fine, I can not understand what anyone is saying to me over the phone. With the exception of my mother, whom I am for some reason able to understand, I just agree with the person on the other end of the line periodically. It is easier than saying, “What? What? What?” This is why I prefer texting and messaging.
6.     I am a monster grump in the morning. For the first fifteen minutes after I wake up, I will bite your head off if you speak to me.
7.     When I have had too much to drink, I am one of those people who tries to make best friends with strangers, especially strangers who are ethnically different from me.
8.     Even though I am great in the kitchen, and love to create recipes, I am still a hot mess when it comes to preparing an over easy egg.
9.     I exaggerate percentages with frightening consistency when I am trying to prove my point in a conversation.
10. Everything makes me cry. I am a ridiculous sap, children, commercials, whatever. I tear up at the drop of a hat…I really should have perused my dream of acting…in tragedies.
11. I have an insane adoration for musicals. I would be so happy if people broke out into song and dance in the streets on a daily basis, I cannot tell you.
12. I will eat mayonnaise on anything. I love the stuff so much, I eat it on apples, steak, chili, and scrambled eggs…to name a few.
13. As a result of birthing my daughter’s thirteen-inch head I often pee a little when I sneeze, or when I laugh. I will actually pause to cross my legs when I feel a sneeze coming on to prevent this.
14. I am obsessively thrifty. I rarely ever buy anything at full price. When my husband plans to make dinner and asks me what I want, my common response is, “Whatever is on sale.”
15. I only pet dogs with my feet. I feel the need to wash my hands every time that I touch a dog, so I pet them with my feet instead. My poor dog occasionally gets petted with my hands…and then I go wash them.
16. I forget things a lot. Faces always stick with me, but names, dates, and lots of things that my husband swears he has told me…I just forget.
17. I am chronically fearful of a bug crawling in my ear. I sleep on my side and I make sure that my hair covers the opposite ear every night when I go to sleep. I do this relatively unconsciously.
18. I fight with inanimate objects. For instance: if I stub my toe on the sofa, I will blame the sofa for attacking me, yell at it, and hit it.
19. I jump up and down and do a happy dance every time that I am eating something really delicious.
20. I will not eat grapes because I believe that they resemble eyeballs. I will eat cherry tomatoes but only if they are cut in half…preferably fourths.


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