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The Time That I Stole Gas

The Time That I Stole Gas

When the kids were tiny. I think three and three and one, we went to visit my husband’s family in Georgia. We were living in Indiana at the time, and we got a wonderful deal on a little cabin on Lake Lanier for a week. The vacation actually went great. We had a good time and got to see my husband’s family and quite a few of our friends as well. Fun was had…until the last night.

We knew that we had to be up and on the road early in the morning so we were all packed and to bed at a reasonable hour. Around three AM or so we woke up to puking. It’s a bit of a blur. I don’t know exactly who started it first. I do remember that three of the comforters in the house were puked on, and plenty of sheets. One of the children also perfected a running puke that left a trail across the family room carpet.

Needless to say, my husband and I were up most of the night consoling children and cleaning up vomit. In the morning, when I was running sheets and blankets through the wash, I was surprised by the arrival of the housekeeper. She was surprised as well. Apparently there was a little miscommunication between the property owner and myself. Embarrassed by the state of the cabin, which I had left in perfect condition the night before, and rushed to vacate by the arrival of the housekeeper, we loaded three puking kids into the car.

Of course in all of the chaos, we forgot to leave the key to the cabin behind. My husband got an angry call from the cabin owner in regards to the fact that we had forgotten to leave the key, had not vacated the evening before, and because I tried to wash the comforters…apparently we send those out to the cleaners only…meaning they probably get washed once a decade…EWW!

My husband managed to calm her down and promised to mail the key as soon as we got home. He did this while jumping into the back seat every fifteen minutes or so to catch puke in a plastic bag. When we finally stopped for gas, my husband stayed outside to pump and I went inside to get us a couple of Red Bulls as we had had no sleep and were completely exhausted. We were also somewhat lost in the hills of Georgia. We knew that we were headed in the direction of I-75, but the back roads in Georgia are horribly confusing, so essentially we had no idea where we were.

Six or so hours later we stopped in Kentucky, about an hour from home, to eat something. The children had puked themselves out and we all needed a little break from the car. I asked my husband for the receipt from the gas station. He told me I had it. I told him that he had never given it to me. He said that I had always had it because I had paid for the gas inside. Oops.

Because I have no idea where I was when I stole gas from some unnamed gas station I was never able to pay them back. If you remember a very tired lady who probably smelled like puke stealing gas from your station, please try to get in touch. I am truly very sorry. Kids can make us do some truly crazy things sometimes. If you run into a parent that looks like they are about to go under, give them a hand, a kind word, a bit of support. Believe me we need it, and we appreciate it truly when we receive it.


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I actually really dislike Oprah Winfrey as a talk show host and television personality.

I was home with my kids when they were babies and I had her show on a lot. Then at one point I remember her and her friend going into a Walmart and just cracking up over the fact that they were so frigging isolated by their current wealth that they didn’t understand how things worked there. Like the way that the plastic hangers operated or something…

I remember being absolutely disgusted at their behavior. Not only that someone who presents her life story as having grown up in poverty would turn around and make fun of the fact that she doesn’t understand how people who are not as well off as her would live, but additionally to think that her audience is so much less intelligent than she is that not one of us would be offended by her behavior.

Well I was, and I haven’t watched a thing that woman has put out in the past ten years.

I do think she is a brilliant actress though, even so, I couldn’t watch …