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Holding Each Other Up


Holding Each Other Up

I am still stubbornly refusing to watch the movie Titanic. I usually get a few shocked looks when I announce that. Yeah, yeah, it’s incredible and wonderful. To begin with, I’m not too into tragic love stories. I do not find them romantic. I wanted to strangle myself while reading “Wuthering Heights,” and “Romeo and Juliet” is my very most non-favorite play ever written…ever. I cannot stand whiny heroes or heroines! In addition, I avoid all things titanic because I believe that obsessing over the story is disrespectful to the memories of the people that lost their lives. It was tragic, not tragic like Leo dying in the water, tragic like all of the crewmembers that were locked below in the sinking ship. They made a musical for goodness sake…it’s beyond disrespectful.

Anyhow, no way could I have missed the still shots of Kate on the raft or log or whatever, and Leo dying in the freezing water. And they were supposed to be in love? Okay seriously…seriously, there is no way in ---- that I would be sitting on my flotation device while my husband drowned in the water. I mean, I have really thought about this. Those two didn’t even have kids. I could possibly envision one of us begging the other to save himself so that the children still had one parent…but even at that…it is hard for me to imagine.

The scene just rubs me the wrong way, because my heart is imprinted with the mantra that we hold each other up. It’s basic and human, as far as I am concerned. Sometimes I think that my husband worries that I go a little too far with my desire to hold up the ones that I love. When my friend’s mother died a few years ago, I was completely distraught. I was sobbing over it, my husband had to drag me out of bed one morning, and I had never even met my friend’s mother. I simply felt a strong need to support her by mourning along side her. I was mourning what she had lost. I can’t conceive of turning the other cheek when one of my friends needs me. I am proud of that, it has gained me a lot of respect and some seriously wonderful friendships. Not to mention the amazing partnership that I have with my husband. We hold one another up no matter what. When one of us needs the other one we are there; no excuses, no drowning in the cold water.

Does it take a lot of energy? Of course it does, but the energy that I get back from showing up, or pitching in, or simply giving, returns to me many times multiplied. I have learned that one of the best ways to de-funk a difficult day is to reach out and see if I can help anyone else who is having a hard time. It’s actually an incredibly simple process, what’s difficult is getting into the habit of doing it. Like always, teaching ourselves new habits is the hardest part of any transformation. The more that a person goes there, and seeks to find comfort by offering it first, the more automatic it becomes. It is a wonderful behavior. Try it first thing in the morning. Go out and hold someone up, and see how you feel.

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