That’s what friends are for…
I think of
most of my friends as if they were family. Maybe it’s because I was a very
lonely only child and I have attachment issues. Ha. We have been especially
blessed since we moved to Florida and away from our families to a completely
unknown place. We have met so many amazing people, and have been fortunate
enough to form a significant number of lifelong friendships.
In the same
way that I am always striving to be a better parent to my kids, I am also
working on being a better friend. I know that I owe my best to the people that
I love. What is there in our life that is more important than the people who
form our support network? These are relationships that deserve to be nurtured.
If we are willing to listen to our friends, really listen. They will often tell
us just how we can be better friends to them and better people in general.
Recently,
one of our good friends was visiting and during her visit she mentioned to
my husband that he used the word retarded
a lot, and that I did as well. I had never thought about this before, but once
I was aware of it I notice that I hear people say it in conversation quite a
bit. My friend works in the mental health industry so she has an awareness of
the damage that can be done by the casual use of the word retarded. It hurts her when she hears people say it just the same
way that the derogatory use of the word gay
bothers me. I am so thankful that she pointed this out. I am making a conscious
effort to remove the word retarded
from my vocabulary.
A couple of
years ago one of my best friends laid out a really hard one for me. I think
that we both almost cried, or did cry in the course of working through it. I am eternally
grateful that she pointed it out, and I have been working on my issue ever since. It’s funny too,
because my husband had been pointing the same thing out to me for a long time. He
had been approaching it as a difference of opinion, whereas my friend informed
me that my behavior was hurting her feelings. That got my attention.
I have some
very negative feelings about organized religion. I simply have a bad
history with it, and I have been working through it for a long time. I usually manage to
be polite and respectful amongst strangers, but around my friends and family I
occasionally vent my resentment. I didn’t realize that I was hurting someone
that I really loved until she told me.
I also
didn’t realize that I was letting my opinion leech into my kids. That was a
real eye opener. I guess that I still assumed that at their age they weren’t
really listening to me. Remember:
children are ALWAYS listening when you don’t want them to. Here’s what
happened: One day when my friend was taking care of my kids, she drove them by
a big church and they made some derogatory comments. This crushed my friend;
pretty much crushed me as well when she told me. I do not want my children to
absorb my opinions. I want them to develop their own. I realized that I had
started a truly negative pattern of behavior. Not only was I influencing my
children with a potentially hurtful belief, I was inadvertently harming someone
that I cared about. Ouch.
It has been a lot harder for me to
fix this one than it was to stop using a single word. I have to be really
conscious of it. It isn’t easy either, but I am working on it. I slip up
sometimes and I apologize, and I keep trying. It’s important. I owe it to my
kids and I owe it to my friends. I was inspired to change my behavior because I
was listening to what a close friend was telling me. Now I know it's a time when I should really be listening. Whoa, boy! Listen to what your
friends tell you, they know a lot about you. They can really help you, even if
it’s by telling you something that is hard to hear. That’s what friends are
for.
I have always felt that my friendship with you and the brief, but wonderful, time we got to spend together made me a better person. I frequently say to myself... "Kristin would find the positive way to look at this."
ReplyDeleteThanks friend!
Love you!
Thank you so much, Karrie. I love you too. I miss you guys.
ReplyDelete