I am actually not talking about the kiddos here; I am talking about myself. Aurora is showing signs of having inherited it from me however. It is simply my first and most basically ingrained instinct. My rebellious nature has definitely contributed to making parts of my life much more difficult, especially in my childhood. I am not saying that I do not have to work hard to manage it, but it is a big part of who I am. It is a part that I am proud of.
I feel a little tingle of pride every time that I add the dry ingredients individually without combining them first. Shh…it seems to be a secret, but that step is completely unnecessary. I do read directions…well skim them at least, and then I figure out my own way to complete a task. I am terrified by authority figures; policemen, doctors, clergymen…even the people who work at the DMV. It’s strange too because, I am a relatively model citizen. I just do not want to be face to face with someone who is going to tell me what to do and how to do it.
It can be a very destructive behavior; I know this. As a child I had a terrible time making friends because I refused to go along with the crowd. It infuriated other children and they wanted nothing to do with me. I know that as an adult I miss out on a lot of messages that could influence me positively, because the minute that a speaker declares that they have discovered the way something works, I block them out entirely. I refuse to believe that there is any one way in anything. Everyone has his or her own way.
On the other hand, I embrace my rebellion because it is a vehicle of creativity. By always seeking out my own way to do things, I get to experiment and observe and discover. I seek out new information. I research topics that come up in casual conversation so that I will better understand them. It certainly makes me cynical, I am always questioning the motives behind peoples’ behavior. That questioning enables me to assess characters, and being a good judge of character is something I am happy to be.
My husband and my close friends have learned how to handle me. They don’t tell me to do things. They gently suggest that I do, or even more effectively they engage in the behavior themselves to set an example. Then they give me as much time as I need to decide to do it all on my own. This is an important thing for me to keep in mind, especially as my youngest slowly becomes a rebellious teenager. I know that at times it will be necessary to put my foot down, but I may parent more effectively in certain situations if I give her a little space.
Sometimes I really have to laugh at myself. I am a grown up, and I should be over it, but I don’t care. I still smoke a few cigarettes in the evening because I like them and because I can. If you want me to quit then stop telling me to. I think that us rebels are an important part of the population. Compliant citizens should feel proud to have us as members of their society. We will always be the first ones to stand up and point out the fact that the masses are being controlled. Well we are, after all. We may be obnoxious, but we are certainly needed. And as long as there are people out there telling us to shut up, we’re never going to do it.